is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize