I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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