theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
