I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
