its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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