Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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