...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
