I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
