thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Two words: nipple clamps
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