Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
