I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Drunk is a universal language darling
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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