thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
