I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
