I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
