i was born a porn star she said
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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