Plan B is the new Plan A
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
