Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
