The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize