A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
