why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
