i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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