he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
