I faked an abortion last night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
