I hate your face
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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