I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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