Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
