He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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