Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
