just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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