If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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