Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
