Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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