The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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