Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
