And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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