I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
