Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
