he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
where are my eyebrows?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
