i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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