I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
