Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
