This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
