I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
farters have to be the big spoon...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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