i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.