well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.