I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level