hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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ttyl tear gas
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?