Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
