Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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