im drinking this country out of the recession.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
