Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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