You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
