Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
