ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
