he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
