The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
