guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
