i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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