I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
as a side note pls kill me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
