so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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