you have to choose: penises or morals?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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