Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
