I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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