I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
