I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
