he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
