i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
