His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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