I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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